Then Again
by mjg021182
Summary: Um, Kate not really dead, some Tate and Tiva, and maybe a little angst. My first ever fanfic, so beware. Um, so I'm thinking some sexy kissy scenes later, so I've rated this T just to be sure.
1. Chapter 1

Auth Note: Here is my first ever fanfic, actually my first story since high school, which was like ten years ago, so please be gentle!

So this is chapter 1, not sure how far the story will go, depends on what everyone thinks I guess. Oh I do hope people read it, but I hope it doesn't suck... Yes I know it's short, sorry!

Um, I know the Kate not really dead thing's been done a lot already, but I thought for my first story a tried and true theme was best. So if it's not your cup of tea, or if you've already done this kind of story, sorry! I'm not trying to copy, honest! Just inspired by the idea. So thanks!

OK. This is me officially showing my L plates. I'm a beginner, so lots of constructive criticism would be totally loved, especially technical stuff that I could improve on. Thanks.

Um, people here seem to feel the need for a disclaimer, and who am I to question the masses, so here 'tis: I know I don't own any copyrights, I'm just a mega fan of NCIS, and have been inspired to write about it.

And the story begins...

* * *

**Then Again**

They had approached her four days ago, laying out all they had discovered about Ari, including some information that her team at NCIS would never know about. They described the devastation that Ari intended to cause, and it was horrific.

Then they asked her. They asked her to help them catch him. They asked her how far she would be willing to go to stop Ari. Of course she was willing to do almost anything to prevent what he had planned.

She didn't realise they were asking her to end her life.

* * *

The day she died was traumatic. To everyone on the team, but especially to her. To see the look of shock and grief on Tony's face when he realised, when he saw the bullet hole in her forehead, was pure agony for her. He would mourn her, he would be immobilised by grief and perhaps even misdirected guilt, and it would be her fault.

Her fault, because she chose this.

She agreed to the plan, the plan that would stop Ari, but would also end her life... And cause her team immense pain. She was starting to have some serious second thoughts about this, but of course it was too late.

The die had been cast, and she was dead.

* * *

Only, she wasn't.

Not really. It was fake. The bullet hole, the blood, the autopsy report. In reality, her part in the plan was only a small one, and she wasn't even entirely sure how they had pulled it off, but they had.

Somehow, they had everyone play their parts perfectly, including people who had no idea they were even part of the plan, or that a plan existed. She had no idea how they faked the autopsy, convinced Ducky, she wasn't privy to those kinds of details.

Her job was to die. After that, she was no longer part of the plan.

Although she wasn't truly dead, now she suddenly realised her life really had ended. She could no longer be a part of the NCIS team. She couldn't continue her friendships, or talk to her family, or even continue living in DC.

She had to start over, everything new. New address, new name, new life.

God, what had she done?


	2. Chapter 2

**Then Again... Chapter 2**

It had been about six months since she had come back. It had taken the team a few weeks to realise something wasn't quite right. They hadn't heard from her, and couldn't get a straight answer from her father or from Vance. So they had gone looking for her. It had taken some digging to locate her, and some heroic efforts on everyone's part to get her back.

When they finally did rescue her, she didn't seem entirely grateful. He supposed that was to be expected, she probably felt embarrassed about her, of all people in the universe, being tricked and captured so easily. Not that it really was so easily, but Ziva would see it that way. And needing to be rescued… Well, that just wasn't in her vocabulary. Yes, it really wasn't that surprising that she was less than happy to be rescued.

It had been six months, and she had slowly begun to be like her old self again. Well, except with him. He understood. He had killed the man she loved, after all. Still, it hurt. A lot. More than he was willing to admit to anyone other than himself.

He missed Ziva. Yes, she was back, but not to him. She was no longer his partner, she refused to work so closely with him anymore. Gibbs had been reluctant, they had made such a great partnership, but in the end he agreed. She now paired up with McGoo for most field assignments.

This meant Tony spent much more time working with Gibbs, which he would have thought would be great, seeing as he admires him so much. But actually it turned out to be hard work, Gibbs didn't always appreciate Tony's humour, and he was getting way more head slaps now than he ever had before. He was sure he would start feeling signs of brain damage soon.

Why did it have to be this way? Why couldn't she see that he was trying to protect her? Why didn't she realise that his protectiveness had nothing to do with some crazy idea of her not being able to protect herself, and everything to do with the fact that he cared about her?

She didn't seem to understand that. That he cared about her, and why he cared about her. Her Mossad experience was that caring got you into trouble. If you started to care, you were leaving yourself open to being compromised, betrayed. Tony's experience was the exact opposite. Tony believed that a partnership only truly worked when you were all in. He had to care, he had to watch her six, or it would all fall apart.

Why was this so hard? It was so easy with Kate. Kate's philosophy was the same as Tony's, she was all in. She had his six, he had hers. They cared about each other, and trusted each other completely. Sure they bickered like school kids, but when it came down to it, they were always there for each other when it counted. When Tony had Y-Pestis, Kate was there. Right by his side, even when she technically shouldn't have been. She understood the way it worked.

He wished Ziva would forgive him. He wished she could let go, and work with him again. Trust him again. _Well DiNozzo, I guess you're just gonna have to give her more time_.

_Please Ziva, come back to me. I need you. _


	3. Chapter 3

**Then Again… Chapter 3**

Ziva was bored. Really bored. It was one of those quiet paperwork kind of days… Tony wasn't here yet. He was late - Gibbs was going to kill him. If he ever caught up with him that is… Gibbs hadn't been at his desk since Ziva had arrived, but he was there, somewhere. Ziva knew this because there were already three empty coffee cups in his trash can.

McGee had been quiet all morning, typing away at his computer, true to style. It really was boring just the two of them there…

"I wonder where Gibbs has gotten to, McGee?"

"He and Director Vance have been stuck in MTAC all morning. Apparently there's been some huge administrative bungle, and Sec Nav's idea of sorting it out is to waste the time of all the heads in the various NCIS offices around the country."

"And how did you come to know this, McGee?"

"Gibbs was hitting the head when I went in there a couple hours ago. He was furious about it, but he said that he would probably be tied up in MTAC for the rest of the day, and that Tony would be in charge while he was gone."

Just then, Ziva heard the elevator ping, and she looked up to see Tony entering the bullpen. Her excitement at finally having someone to break the boredom was short lived, when she realised he was in a foul mood, judging by the look on his face.

"Good morning, Tony."

"Hmph!"

_Oh dear. Today is going to be a long day…_

* * *

"McGee!!"

"Yes, Tony." McGee smiled at Tony.

"Where is the…"

"Here it is, Tony."

"Hmph!" scowled Tony.

The morning was almost spent, and Tony had been grunty… no, not grunty. Gropey? No… What was that word? It was one of the six midgets… Grumpy! That's it. Tony had been grumpy all morning, especially at McGee.

Which isn't entirely unusual, Ziva supposed. Except, there were two things wrong with the situation, she noticed.

Firstly, while Tony was taking out his bad mood on McGee, he wasn't calling him any names, like Probie or McGoo, he was only ever using McGee's actual name. Most unusual!

Secondly, McGee seemed to be taking it on the elbow, or whatever that stupid idiom said. He wasn't whinging about it, either directly to Tony or behind his back. McGee seemed to be sympathetic to whatever was causing Tony's mood.

_I wonder what is going on? _

* * *

Ziva couldn't take the tension in the bullpen any longer, not to mention the unusual behaviour being exhibited by McGee had completely thrown her. So Ziva decided to take refuge down in Abby's lab for a little while.

As the elevator doors pinged open in the basement, Ziva was immediately struck by how quiet it was. Was Abby there? Her music wasn't on… But the machines were whirring quietly away, so she must be there somewhere.

Ziva walked into the lab to find Abby, working quietly. _Hold on a moment! I do not think I have ever seen Abby wearing all white before… What on earth is going on? _

"Um, Abby?"

"Sorry Ziva, can't talk right now, I have a lot of work to do. In fact, I'm going to be busy all day, so I might just see you tomorrow, if that's ok."

_My goodness, this is strange. Abby is always excited to have a visitor. She says it gets so boring down here by herself, she wishes we would visit more often. And what does she mean she is busy? We are not working on any cases at the moment. _

"Ah, yes Abby. That is fine. I will see you tomorrow."

* * *

As the day wore on, Ziva was getting more and more worried about her colleagues. Something was definitely not right, she thought. So she decided to go to autopsy and ask Ducky about it.

When she arrived at autopsy, Ducky was pleased to see her. _Well, that makes one of them, then. _

"Well, hello Ziva my dear! And what brings you down here?"

"Ah, well, I am not really quite sure…"

"Is there something on your mind dear? Come sit down, and we'll have a little chat about it, shall we?"

"Thankyou Ducky. Well, it is probably nothing, except… It is just that everybody is acting so strangely today! I cannot figure out what it is, I thought you might know something about it."

"I see. Perhaps you could expand on what you mean by strange?"

"Well, Gibbs is stuck in MTAC all day, I have not even seen him, so I suppose I am not really talking about him so much. Tony is in a terrible mood, taking it out on McGee mainly, but McGee does not seem to mind for some reason. He is being especially nice to Tony today, which is not his usual response to being made a scapegoat by Tony."

"Hmm… Oh sorry dear, please go on."

"And Abby, well, I went down to see her earlier, and she did not wish to see me. She said she was very busy, which I do not understand, as we do not have any cases today, and she was wearing all white, and was not listening to any of her loud music."

"I think I may be able to shed some light on your dilemma, young Ziva. You see, as you may not be aware, today is the anniversary of our dear Caitlin Todd's untimely death. I believe the out of character behaviours you are witnessing may be our dear friends' way of expressing their grief."

"Oh dear, I had not realised…"

"It is quite alright, my dear. You did not know her like we did, you were not close to her. It is perfectly understandable for you to expect today to be like any ordinary day. However, as it is not, I would recommend that you accept today's behaviour as an aberration, and hope tomorrow is a better day. And of course, if you need someone to talk to, I am always here, Ziva dear."

"Thankyou Ducky, for your candour and your advice."

"You are quite welcome, dear. Any time."

* * *

As Ziva was packing up for the day, she decided to speak to Tony, offer a listening ear.

"Ah, Tony?"

"Hmph!"

"Ah, I was just going to say, ah… What I mean is… I know what today is to you. I know you miss her -"

"IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, ZIVA!!!"

"I -"

Tony got up abruptly, and as he stormed to the elevator, it pinged and two agents stepped out. Tony rushed into the elevator, and pushed the button to close the doors before anyone could get in with him.

_I am sorry, Tony. I really am. _

* * *

**OK, so I've just re-edited this chapter. Sorry for all the bold and underlining!! Lol. I was a wee bit tired, don't think I actually looked at the document after I loaded before adding to the story. But, I am wondering why it did that, I didn't have any bold or underlining in the entire document on my computer before loading it onto FanFiction... Hmm. A mystery...**

**And thanks to Dark Angel31 for pointing it out to me, I appreciate that. **

**Also, I'm not one to beg for reviews, but... 4 reviews? My stats say hundreds of people have looked at my story, it can't be that bad, can it?? :(**

**Oh well, I shall continue writing it regardless, I think it's good for me. And sorry for taking so long to get ch3 up, writing is HARD! Oh well, hopefully I can get another chapter written tonight, I'll see how my brain goes at the making stuff up part. lol!**

**Thanks to anyone reading my story, and the four lovely people who have reviewed, and the few people who have added it to their story alerts, or added it as a favourite, it's nice to know I can create something someone else thinks has value. **

**Thanks everyone!**

**mj xoxo**


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